Star Wars Journals
by Dancing Pickle
Summary: Basically the journals of the chracters from Star Wars. But not exactly what you'd suspect. 'Is that a ship? IT MUST BE THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY' Anakin and Darth Vader's Journal up!
1. Boba Fett's Journal

I got the idea from Centauri Cruxis Angel, who made an Inuyasha version of this. Well, each chapter is a different Star Wars characters' journal. It's way better than it sounds.

I don't own Star Wars.

**Boba Fett's Journal**

Entry 1

Dad told me to keep a journal, so that I could record 'memorable events.' Memorable events… Yeah, right! Do I see him keeping a journal? NNNnnnnnnoooooo, I think not! I bet he'll read all I write to find out what I do when he's away!

Entry 2

I played the Macarena music over the intercom system. All the clones began to dance! Then I played the Cha-Cha Slide. Boy, A-8723 sure can do the Carlie Brown!

Entry 3

I never leave our room. Well, except for when I have to go to school or when I want cause trouble.

Entry 4

Can't….stop….watching….I Love Lucy marathon!

Entry 5

Finally, the marathon is over. I'm never watching TV again!

Entry 6

Ooh! Spongebob is on!

Entry 7

Some Jedi called Obi-Wan came to the base. He looks like the Tooth Fairy…

Entry 8

Ate a lot of lunch. Hey, I was hungry!

Entry 9

Accidentally threw-up on Dad.

Entry 10

Dad told me to pack my things. Ooh, are we going on a road trip to Disney Land? I love Mickey!

Entry 11

Wait a second… Did that come out right?

Entry 12

Went out for a sandwich and got lost in a crowd of Dad's clones. I asked which was my real Dad, but they had a big fight, killing each other, and saying stuff like, "No, I'm the real Jango Fett!"

Entry 13

Got bored watching the clones kill each other. I then went back to our part of the base.

Entry 14

Stupid Tooth Fairy followed us to the ship. Why isn't he letting us go to Disney Land?

Entry 15

Tooth Fairy used lightsaber to chop off Dad's jet pack. Crap! Now how am I supposed to get around? What? Will I have to ride one of those flying dragon thingies?

Entry 16

Tried to ride dragon thingies. Didn't work. It ate my sandwich!

Entry 17

Escaped from Tooth Fairy.

Entry 18

Tooth Fairy followed us. Dad shot at 'em allot and then drove through an asteroid field, in hopes of losing him. I hope the sissy dies…

Entry 19

Stupid Tooth Fairy…

Entry 20

Ha ha! Stupid Tooth Fairy died! Now how are you gonna steal my teeth, huh?

Entry 21

Finally got to 'Disney Land.' Yeah, right! Dad took me to the droid army base! It looks like the Bat Cave in here…

Entry 22

Count Dooku looks like an evil Santa…

Entry 23

You know what? I'm gonna ask Santa for a present!

Entry 24

Santa had a weird expression on his face. All he did was pat my head and walk me out of the room…

Entry 25

Santa told Dad what I did! He took me to a room full of dirty dishes, and then told me to clean them. The dishes are shiny!

Entry 26

Found an eyeball on a plate.

Entry 27

I wonder…

Entry 28

Ewww! Aw! Eck! Note to self, never eat eyeballs.

Entry 29

The dishes are shinier now!

Entry 30

Found Tooth Fairy in broom closet. He was floating in mid-air. Turns out that Santa had him chained up or whatever and was gonna feed him to alien monsters! Go, Santa!

Entry 31

Dad and I got balcony seats with Santa. They where also going to sacrifice a Jedi padawan and Chancellor, too! Wait, it's Guy-Who-Gets-His-Hand-Chopped-Off-Later Jedi and Former-Queen-Who-Had-A-Crush-On-Dad-In-The-Sixth-Grade Chancellor! I should've known!

Entry 32

Tooth Fairy, Guy-Who-Gets-His-Hand-Chopped-Off-Later, and Former-Queen-Who-Had-A-Crush-On-Dad-In-The-Sixth-Grade managed to get free…sort of…

Entry 33

Kitty-Rat gave Former-Queen-Who-Had-A-Crush-On-Dad-In-The-Sixth-Grade a scratch on the back. Now it's her turn!

Entry 34

It was supposed to be funny…

Entry 35

What the-? There are Jedis everywhere1 How could this possibly get any worse?

Entry 36

Oh my god! The Burger King is sitting right next to me!

Entry 37

Dad went out to help kill the Jedi. The rhino-like one tried to attack him. Hey, I told him he shouldn't have worn red today!

Entry 38

Stupid Tooth Fairy decapitated Dad! But the good news is that candy came out from his body!

Entry 39

I wonder… Wait, I'm his clone, right?

Entry 40

I chopped off my finger and candy came out! Now I can get a really cool robot finger!

Entry 41

Santa battled two Jedi and chopped the padawan's arm off. But candy didn't come out…

(Twenty Years Later…)

Entry 42

Well, the Sith took over. And I'm not a boy anymore! Well, I guess not. It's beem twenty damn years…

Entry 43

The only Jedi left are Darth Sidious and that Darth Vader dude. Jabba had me get this Han-Solo guy and a Wookiee named Chewbacca. Stupid Wookiee peed on my foot…

Entry 44

Turns out that Solo owes Jabba money… I'd rather receive oranges instead on money…

Entry 45

Jabba said he'd pay me five oranges is I'd follow Solo and make sure he didn't try anything. So I wore my favorite costume… A cowboy suit plus cowboy hat!

Entry 46

The Burger King is still out for my blood. I swear, Burger King, I'll get you someday!

Entry 47

I got a cheeseburger in the mail. Oh, Burger King… I finally understand. This means war!

Entry 48

Oranges are nice…

Entry 49

Damn that Tooth Fairy! His presence still haunts me. I'm keeping my teeth, thank you very much!

Entry 50

Some spider-like thing jumped on a dancer's face. The couldn't remove it without killing her. But I was all for the plan of removing it.

Entry 51

I hate spiders…

Entry 52

The thing was found dead on the floor, a gun in its tentacles. Well, I couldn't blame him. I'd do the same thing after my face was stuck to somebody else's.

Entry 53

Okay, maybe I wouldn't. But hey, I'd consider it.

Entry 54

Security cameras show an alien bursting out of the dancer's chest. So we no have an alien loose. I wonder if it knows the Y. M. C. A.?

Entry 55

Apparently, the alien has killed many. You know what, I bet if you just gave it a hug, I'd be nicer! And I'm going to test that theory!

Entry 56

Ow. Didn't work. But at least I killed it.

The people around here often remind me of the Oompah-Loompahs…

Entry 57

Some guy challenged me to a duel.

Entry 58

I kicked his ass with a small-sized rock. Owned!

Entry 59

I'm starting to sound like Captain Kirk…

Entry 60

Maybe I need some guy with pointy ears like Spok, or whatever…

Entry 61

That would be cool…

Entry 62

Some wanna be bounty hunter showed up with Chewbacca. There is no way that shrimpy dude could've caught that Wookiee. He was much too small in stature, and those handcuffs weren't nearly strong enough to hold the Wookiee.

Entry 63

Did I mention that Darth Vader dude froze Han-Solo in carbonite? Dude, that's evil.

Entry 64

I say it's the first Han-flavored posickle.

Entry 65

Mmm, popsickle…

Entry 66

My spider senses told me that dude was heading for Solo. And my spider senses never lie.

Entry 67

Wait, I don't have spider senses…

Entry 68

The dude was actually a chick. Which was a princess. Which was a Rebel. And I don't care because I'm on neither side.

Entry 69

That chick was totally checking me out.

Entry 70

Some guy in a robe or cape or whatever came to get his friends back. Jabba tricked him and he fell into the Rancor's pit. The guy seems to be a Jedi, gut hey. I might be wrong.

Entry 71

The dude was smart enough to close the door on the Rancor. The Rancor trainers weeped for their loss of 'Fritz.'

Entry 72

Jabba decided to drop the troublesome three into the desert monster's mouth. The Jedi dude turned out to be a real Jedi and kicked some serious ass. Well, I could've done better. I let the chick loose. Hell, I don't care what happens to Jabba!

Entry 73

The chick choked Jabba to death with what was left of her chain.

Entry 74

Wait, why am I writing when I could kick ass in battle?

Entry 75

Tally, ho!


	2. Darth Maul's Journal

A friend from school and a reviewer requested for me to do Darth Maul's journal next. So…here it is.

**Darth Maul's Journal**

Entry 1

Darth Sidious had me go find two meddlesome Jedi by the names of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. I bet they don't have cool lightstaffs. Yeah, lightstaffs. I mean, why have a one-sided lighsaber when it can have the blade on both sides?

Entry 2

Just landed on the surface of Tatooine. It seems really dusty. Well, it's not a job my feather duster can't handle.

Entry 3

Damn, it's hot here! Hot do these people manage to survive in this intense heat?

Entry 4

I bet it's so hot I could fry an egg on my space ship!

Entry 5

Damn, I can.

Entry 6

Well, I'd better send the probes out to look for Martha Stewart. I know she's out here…somewhere… I will find that fiend if it's the last thing I do! Well, before going into the girls' locker room. That'll come last.

Entry 7

The probes are taking too long, so I'll ride my motorcycle around and scare the crap out of little kids.

Entry 8

Sidious really needs a new outfit. I mean, how could they not realize that he's the Palpatine who's running for Chancellor? It's only a hooded robe, for Christ's sake! It's like how Super Man doesn't wear a mask, yet no one knows that he's Super Man while wearing a business suit! What, do they think Super Man would never wear a business suit or something?

Entry 9

I rest my case.

Entry 10

Then, there's Bat Man. He owns million dollar gadgets, and Bruce Wayne is the only billionaire in the city. I mean, honestly. But Spider Man's okay in my book.

Entry 11

Aha! So there's the Jedi I've been looking for! You know, the beige part of his outfit looks like an apron… Or an overly large bra.

Entry 12

The Jedi's padawan helped him escape. How did they know I couldn't jump high like most Sith? Cool, I made a rhyme! Hmmm, maybe I should become a rapper!

Entry 13

On second thought, no. I mean, that didn't even rhyme.

Entry 14

I had a muffin for lunch. I was going to have some left over casserole from the ship, but I swear, that thing moved! The casserole was alive!

Entry 15

I have a terrible truth… I've never told anyone… But…I'm gay!

**(DP- I had to do something to speed this up…)**

Entry 16

But I mean, it's not like anyone would, like, read my journal. It would be totally rude!

Entry 17

Crap! I broke a nail! Sigh.

Entry 18

Finally found Martha Stewart! Now she'll have to tell me all her home and garden tips! Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Entry 19

Martha Stewart was really Michael Jackson… I killed that sicko with my awesome lightstaff. Yeah.

Entry 20

Hee hee!

Entry 21

I'm glad I brought Fluffy, my cat, with me. He's like, so fluffy! And like…so cute!

Entry 22

Saw miniskirt in JCPenny's catalog. Hmmm…

Entry 23

After much searching, I've finally found those Jedis. Wait, I mean Jedi and Padawan. Yeah, I'm not giving him any credit. I mean, he hasn't even passed the trials of the perfume department! Those where dark times… Dark times…

Entry 24

Yes! Now I can finally show off my mad skillz!

Entry 25

Crap! Stupid barrier of light stopped my awesome battle!

Entry 26

Qui-Gon and I began to play Battle Ship.

Entry 27

Ha! I sank his aircraft carrier!

Entry 28

Light shield went back up. Now back to the wicked battle scene!

Entry 29

Stuck lightstaff into Jedi's chest. Hey, you are what you eat.

Entry 30

And in this case, Qui-Gon would be a lightsaber.

Entry 31

He eats lightsabers?

Entry 32

That Padawan was about to try to come over and do a wicked-awesome battle sequence with me, but that barrier went back up!

Entry 33

Began to play I Spy with Obi-Wan.

Entry 34

I spy with my little eye something…red.

Entry 35

Crap! He guessed right! It was my face!

Entry 36

Barrier is gone once again.

Entry 37

Made Padawan trip and is now hanging on ledge. Watcha gonna do now? Use the Force?

Entry 38

Crap, he used the Force to get his master's lightsaber.

Entry 39

Crap! He cut my lightstaff in half!

Entry 40

Crap! He cut me in half!

Entry 41

Crap! I'm dead!

Entry 42

Wait, how can I still be writing this when I'm dead?

Entry 43

I know! I'll call Oprah! She knows all!

Entry 44

Crap! I forgot to go into the girl's bathroom before I died!

Entry 45

Dang, how can I still write?

Entry 46

Almost at the bot-

**End… Darl Maul Died. Find this journal and more at your local library!**

Sorry it was kinda short. But Darth Maul was only in one movie, so I didn't have much to work with. Next up… Yoda!


	3. Yoda's Journal

**Yoda's Journal**

Entry 1

Come, more Padawans have. Training they will begin soon.

Entry 2

Saw Mace Windu in a sewing class, I have. Any idea that I'm a Girl Scout, he doesn't have. Thought I was a strange little girl, they did. Kicked their asses, I did.

Entry 3

Brought a boy who wants to be a Jedi, Obi-Wan has. To be quite powerful, the boy seems. Too old of age, he is but. Send him back to my Girl Scout troop, I will.

Entry 4

Ate at Burger King, I did. Following me, the evil Darth Burger King was. Very aware, I had to be. Strike at any moment, he could.

Entry 5

Used Jedi mind tricks to sell one million cookies, I did. Tasted like crap, the cookies did. A better cookie, I will make.

Entry 6

Annoyed me, two droids have. C-3PO and R2-D2, their names are. Not so annoying, R2-D2 is. Went to see Spongebob the Movie, we did. Locked C-3PO in the broom closet, R2-D2 did. All evil was then gone for once, so it seemed.

Entry 7

Found out I am a Girl Scout, Mace Windu has. Told him I would tell the whole council that he was in a sewing class, I did. Cried like a baby, he did.

Entry 8

Made the ultimate cookie, I have.

Entry 9

Ate it, Anakin has. Watch Barney marathon, I forced him to do.

Entry 10

Thinking about getting a summer home at a swamp planet, I have. Put up many gnomes in my yard, I will. Be my friends, they will.

Entry 11

Returned, the Sith have. Made me loose my hooded robe, Chancellor Palpatine has. Lotion for his skin, he needs.

Entry 12

Picked me up, Mr. Organa has. Late for a break dancing competition, we were. Main singer, I will be.

Entry 13

Got a letter in the mail, I have. Paper clip, straw, and rubber band, are inside.

Entry 13

Put paper clip in straw, then used rubber band to pull it back, I did. Hit me in the eye, it did.

Entry 14

Anakin, the sender was. Truly he has joined the dark side, I now know he has.

Entry 15

Taken over, the Empire has. Move into my summer home, I will.

Entry 16

Named my garden gnomes, I have. Carl, Larry, Stu, and Fred, their names are. Had one named Cindy, I did. Got run over by moving van, she did.

Entry 17

Had funeral for Cindy, I have. Become one with the Force, may she.

Entry 18

Grieving over the loss of Cindy, the gnomes and I are. Ate much cookie dough, we did.

Entry 19

Saw add in Yellow Pages for Bounty Hunter services, I did. Hire the one named Boba Fett to take out the Burger King, I will.

Entry 20

Saw boy on Swamp Planet, I have. Watch him and then freak him out by my smallness, I will.

Entry 21

Luke, the boy's name is. Remember him to be Anakin's son, I do. Wants to see the Jedi Master Yoda, he does. Make him use unnecessary time following me and making him eat the crappy twenty-five year-old Girl Scout cookies, I will.

Entry 22

Told him that I am Yoda, I have. Wants to learn to become a Jedi and learns the ways of the Force, he does. Only ten, Anakin was when he desired to become a Jedi. Too old was he to start even then. Think he can become a Jedi when he's twenty, does he? Crazy, he is.

Entry 23

Will teach him, anyway. Bet money on him, Obi-Wan did. That he'd be able to lift his ship by the time he got bored, Obi-Wan said. Prove him wrong, I will.

Entry 24

Face the challenges of the dark movie theater, I will make Luke. Scream, I will play in on one screen while he's inside to scare him.

Entry 25

Just stood there at the concession stand, he did. Notice Darth Vader's image, he didn't even. Ask for his popcorn, he asked for hours.

Entry 26

Made him do fifty laps around the swamp because of his behavior in the darkened movie theater, I did. Even got I free ride on his back to McDonald's, I did. Need to buy trained cat that attacks young Jedis named Luke Skywalker, I do. Koko, I will name the cat.

Entry 27

Got in a fight with Carl, Koko did. Decided to attack Luke, Koko did after scratching Carl. Fine with me, it is if Koko keeps to himself while attacking Luke and encouraging him to run faster while doing laps. Glad I am, for buying a cheetah.

Entry 28

Ate my hamburger buns, Koko did. They only ate meat, I believed cats only did. Be a vegetarian, Koko must be.

Entry 29

A vegetarian, Koko is not. Found Luke's dead body at my doorstep, I did. Thanked him for the present, I thanked Koko.

Entry 30

Will train Koko to become a Jedi, I must because of Luke's death. Will dress him up as Luke so Darth Vader will not notice the difference, I will after training.

Entry 31

Sent Koko off to destroy the Empire, I did. Hated him, even though my gnomes did, wished him well.

Entry 32

Heard that Koko battled Vader and lost his front right paw, I have heard. Return for more training with the Force, Koko must.

Entry 33

Finally returned, the Bounty Hunter has. Told me the Burger King's power was too much, he did. Told him I understood, I did. Manage to take him out, even I could never do.

Entry 34

Missing, Fred is. Left, the Bounty Hunter did after Fred's disappearance. Kidnapped Fred, the Bounty Hunter must have. Rescue Fred, it's too bad that I can't. Need better means of transportation besides riding on a padawan's shoulder, I do.

Entry 35

Practicing for the play Romeo and Juliet, I am. Remeo, I am in the play.

Entry 36

Returned, Koko has. Practicing for the death scene, I was. Thought I was actually dying, Koko did. Stupid cheetah Jedi left without feeding Stu and Larry. Died from blood loss after the fight with Koko, he did. So alone, I now feel.

Entry 37

Learned news of Koko's victory over the Empire, I have.

Entry 38

Showed up at the party dressed as ghosts, Obi-Wan, Anakin and I did. Thought we where actual ghosts and didn't offer us any punch, Koko did.

Entry 39

Learned the truth about Luke, Anakin has. Happy I am, that he also didn't find out that Leia died and was actually a sponge cake and that Padme died before the Clone Wars and was then replaced with a Monoploy game board.

Entry 40

Very confusing, the truth now is.


	4. Anakin and Darth Vader\'s Journal

Part of this will be written like a kid, like Anakin is for a while. It'll eventually switch back to better grammar. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Darth Vader/Anakin's Journal**

Entry 1

A pretty ladi came to de shop. I think da guy is a Jedeye er whatevah. They say tey need perts for ther starr ship so tey kan go to wherevah ther goin.

Entry 2

I axed te grl is she was a angelle. She saed, "Hell yes!" and scipped awound de room senging somethin abot bein a angelle. Weerd.

Entry 3

De feesh man dat came wit dem messed wit de dwoids. Swigh. Gess I'll hve ta make a fool out off a fool an shouw off my smrtness.

Entry 4

Eye invted de peple to my hose for lunkh. De feesh guy got in a wittle trubble wit de feesh salezman. Feesh eatin feesh? Weerd.

Entry 5

Eye axed the guy if he waz a Jedeye, an he axed mi how eye new. If de lightzaberr wazn't a dead giveaway.

Entry 6

De Jedeye saed hee'd let mi trane to be a Jedeye. Yay!

Entry 7

Man, I'm homesik… An I havn't even leeft home yett!

Entry 8

Whait, I'm a slave. Hey, whye don't eye smehow get a eyedea that'll free me? I cud entr a pod racing…race…

Entry 9

I one de race! Stoopid Jedeye gambeled behind my bak, butt managed to free mi! Well, eye gess betting waz finally uzed four good.

(Ten years later.)

Entry 10

I forgot to add that Master Qui-Gon Jinn died in the battle with Darth Maul. But who cares about that? It's Halloween tomorrow! I'm gonna dress up as Obi-Wan's mom and scare the crap outta 'em!

Entry 11

Yeah, Obi-Wan had a really scary mom. I mean, his mom WAS Martha Stewart, after all…

Entry 12

Master Obi-Wan said it is childish of me to participate in Halloween when I should train to be a Jedi. But he doesn't know that I've been playing Jedi video games for the past five years, now does he? I mean, to defeat a Sith, all he has to do is press Square, Circle, Up, Triangle, Left, X, X, Down, Square! 'Tis just a simple cheat code!

Entry 13

Well, on the last minute I've decided to be a King for Hallo's Ween. Might as well work on the 'ol British accent!

Entry 14

Sir Obi-Wan talks rubbish about thou's speech. Though Master Yoda seems to enjoy it!

Entry 15

I dare say! While Trick-Or-Treating, I saw the lovely Padme dressed as a werewolf. It reminds me of the hunt!

Entry 16

Some guy gave me an apple. I wanted candy, not a stinkin' apple! Off with his head!

Entry 17

Master Obi-Wan gave me the lecture on chopping peoples' heads off again. What does he know? I mean, he even took away my candy! Wwwaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Entry 18

Master Obi-Wan and thy are in charge of protecting Padme. Yes! Now I get to wear my James Bond outfit!

Entry 19

Master Obi-Wan told me to stop speaking in a British accent. Well, it was fun…to annoy people while it lasted.

Entry 20

While having a boring conversation with Obi-Wan, Padme was in trouble. So naturally, I went storming into her room to kill the bugs on her. I hate bugs… and Bugs Bunny. Stupid rabbit.

Entry 21

Master jumped out of a window! I know he liked to say I'd be the death of him, but I didn't know he MEANT it! Now if only I could find the colour of car I liked to save him in…

Entry 22

Thanks to me, I saved Obi-Wan! Now let's go to Taco Bell!

Entry 23

Master said I should chase that person who tried to kill Padme. Fine, but I won't like it!

Entry 24

Or will I enjoy it? Bwahahahahaha! (First sign of joining the Dark Side)

Entry 25

Now it's MY turn to jump out of something! I got on top of the assassin's ship, and took out my apple from Halloween. Turns out she couldn't stand the apple because she was a doctor in a past life! Too bad for me she nearly killed me by crashing.

Entry 26

Somehow Obi-Wan found me. The Force only knows how…

Entry 27

Of all the places to go, she went into a bar. Obi-Wan says she went in to hide, not to run… Duh. Honestly, I'm not THAT stupid.

Entry 28

Or am I? Bwahahaha…ha..ha? Hey, I'm not stupid!

Entry 29

'Tis my job now to watch over lady Padme at Naboo. But first, let's go to a bar and get drunk!

Entry 30

Arrived at Naboo. Sun set in background equals queen/senator to make out with padawan! Yessssssss!

Entry 31

But what's a relationship without frolicking in fields of pretty flowers? You know, there wasn't a single manly word in that sentence!

Entry 32

Then there's the arguments in a relationship. This is starting to end up like the Gilmore Girls…

Entry 33

Yes, Padme! I want to rule the galaxy! Bwahahahahahahaha!

Entry 34

Geez, Padme. I was only joking. C'mon! It was always my dream to slaughter all the Jedi and bring forth the new Empire! ….. You still like me…right?

Entry 35

Ooh, a romantic dinner. I'll just use the Force to put a piece of fruit in her mouth…

Entry 36

Crap, I missed and it fell down her shirt. And of course, I volunteered to retrieve it…which got me a smack on the face.

Entry 37

Time for the brave confession of love.

Entry 38

Padme says she can't live a lie. I steal pudding from Obi-Wan all the time, so I have no problem with this.

Entry 39

Oh my god! I had a bad dream where the Burger King tortured my mom! I must go to Tatooine!

Entry 40

Stupid Watto sold my mum! Sigh. Guess I'll have to go find her…Sherlock Holmes style!

Entry 41

Padme didn't really like my British accent. But anyway, my mum got kidnapped by Tusken Raiders! Wait, isn't that the name of a football team?

Entry 42

Nnnnnnnnoooooo! Mum is dead! Time for the killing of Tuskens to bring me closer to the Dark Side!

Entry 43

As soon as I got back, I got a message on my cell. Obi-Wan's in Trouble. No, not the board game, but actual trouble!

Entry 44

I tracked to message, and it came from Geonosis. You know what that means? ROAD TRIP!

Entry 45

Padme is listening to chick music while I'm driving. This is gonna be a LONG trip…

Entry 46

Landed in what seems to be a droid army base. I saw ancient writing (graffiti) that said it was the Bat Cave. Oh, another one said, "Boba Fett was here!"

Entry 47 

More stupid arguments with Padme. Now it's time to have near-death experiences with the machines that make droids!

Entry 48

Crap, my lightsaber broke. Obi-Wan's gonna kill me. Literally. He's always out to get me. I always find daggers in all of his clothes. Socks, jackets…underwear…

Entry 49

Crud, Padme are I are captured and are being sent to the coliseum. Wait, this is Gladiator all over again!

Entry 50

Oh my gosh! It's the dreaded evil Santa who did this! Curse him!

Entry 51

He must have checked his list twice… No one knows about when I ran naked down the halls of the Jedi Temple!

Entry 52

How'd they know I have a fear of rhinos? Good thing I keep a tranquilizer handy in my pants!

Entry 53

Wha-? How come a lot of Jedis are here? Oh my gosh, they remembered my birthday!

Entry 54

Send in the clones 'cause we're losing!

Entry 55

Wow, um, I didn't know clones of some sort would actually come help us out.

Entry 56

Yoda gave us a ride to the Evil Santa's headquarters. On our way on the ship, a boy ran by us and pointed at Obi-Wan screaming, "Stupid Tooth Fairy! My dad's dead thanks to you! Wwwwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" You know, Obi-Wan really DOES look like the Tooth Fairy!

Entry 57

Finally…the final battle between Jedi and evil Santa. Obi-Wan has failed, and now I must be victorious.

Entry 58

Crap. My arm got chopped off. And I lost. Well, at least this won't happen again later in my life!

Entry 59

Many days and a cool robot arm later, Padme and I got married! I wanna Honey Moon to Disney World!

(A couple months later.)

Entry 60

Ooh, an action-packed battle scene! Might as well show off my mad skillz and make Obi-Wan look like an amateur at flying.

Entry 61

Got into the main ship thingy. You know, by now I should know the name for it! But anyway, I had R2 watch over my ship… I don't really think I'll be able to get it back in one piece.

Entry 62

Time to go into the elevator! What? Man, there's no elevator music!

Entry 63

What is this? The elevator stop-ed! Now I shall show how impatient I am and try to get to the next floor by cutting a hole in the top, then fail and come back!

Entry 64

Got off elevator. R2 screamed while rolling (Does he roll?) down the hall. And wouldn't you know, he brought somethin' to kill.

Entry 65

Defeated whatevah was there, blah blah blah. Now we're up against some hacking General… Dude, he needs a cough-drop.

Entry 66

Hacking General escaped… GASPETH! 'Tis the Evil Santa! ATTACK!

Entry 67

Santa almost killed Obi-Wan! DIE, SANTA! DIE!

Entry 68

OFF WITH HIS HEAD…and hands… BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Entry 69

Wait a click, who's drivin' the ship?

Entry 70

I had to land the ship without getting us killed… Obi-Wan wet himself, but he wouldn't admit it. (Smiles)

Entry 71

Look, in the darkness! 'Tis Padme!

Entry 72

What? She's WHAT? Well, I guess now isn't a good time to tell her that I hate kids…

(Five weeks later…)

Entry 73

Palpatine said that I could save Padme from dying in childbirth, which I saw in my dream, if I joined the Dark Side… Well, they DO have cookies, and you DO get to wear a black cape… I'M IN!

Entry 74

Mace Windu's tryin' to kill Palpatine. Hm, kill Mace, or balck cape… BLACK CAPE IT IS!

Entry 75

Need to kill all in the Jedi Temple… I HATE KIDS! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Entry 76

I have to go to the trade federation people or whatever and kill them… WHY CAN'T I EVEN REMEMBER THEIR NAME? WWWWaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Entry 77

Is that a ship? IT MUST BE THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY!

Entry 78

Aw, it isn't. Now I guess I'll just make myself believe that Padme betrayed me and then Force choke her… Sigh.

Entry 79

Wha-? Obi-Wan is here? DIE TOOTH FAIRY, DIE!

Entry 80

Crap, I'm on fire by the lava.

Entry 81

Stupid medical droids are putting cool robot parts on me… Now I shall truly be a Transformer!

Entry 82

Ooh, Palpatine is having a space station built! Maybe I can be a member of the Justice League instead!

(Twenty Years Later…)

Entry 83

Found Rebel princess on some ship… Stupid stormtroopers sang, "I don't know what I've been told, I don't know what I've been told. Darth Vader is getting old, Darth Vader is getting old. I don't know what I've been told, I don't know what I've been told. And I like princess Leia's buns, and I like princess Leia's buns." Although insulting, it's a really catchy song!

Entry 84

Intruders on ship, blah blah. Obi-Wan challenged me, blah blah. Finally killed Tooth Fairy, blah blah. Some kid blew up Death Star, blah blah.

Yep, I guess that covers it all!

Entry 85

Sent probes to different planets in hopes of finding Rebel base. I think they're on Hoth… You know, I've always wanted my own Tauntaun! They're just so…CUTE!

Entry 86

Yep, just as I thought, they're on Hoth.

Entry 87

They got away! Curse you, Rebels! WHY MUST YOU NAME RHYME WITH PEBBLES? WWWaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Entry 88

A Bounty Hunter I hired (Boba Fett) found out that the Pebbles…I mean Rebels, have gone to Corosaunt. I wonder if the crew'll like my 'ol British accent…

Entry 89

Yes, the Pebbles… I mean Rebels, dang it! The Re-bels… Wait, what was I gonna say? Oh, right. They've finally figured out the Empire has taken over Corosaunt.

Entry 90

That Bounty Hunter needed Han Solo for another bounty, so I decided just to gift-wrap him in carbonite! It'll be the first Han flavored popsicle!

Entry 91

Found Luke. You know, the Emperor's right! He is my son!

Entry 92

Er, I didn't think he'd be so upset that he'd jump off to die… Damn, I really should've given him the bath soaps…

(Later…)

Entry 93

Luke came back, and he accepts that I'm his father. He called me Anakin… Well, at least he didn't call me Ani…

Entry 94

I brought Puke…I mean LUKE to the Emperor. JOIN THE DARK SIDE, LUKE! WE HAVE COOKIES!

Entry 95

Yep, another battle.

Entry 96

Nnnnnooooooo! Puke chopped my robot arm off that I lost in the Clone Wars! I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T LOOSE THAT ONE AGAIN! WWWaaaaaahhhhhh!

Entry 97

The Emperor's frying Puke… I mean, Luke. Hm, save my son, or let him fry… Well, if he fries I'll have to clean up the mess later…

Entry 98

Crap, I'm dying after throwing the Emperor down that shaft! Yes, I was the only one who knew his weakness… He was always afraid of heights…

Entry 99

Luke tried to save me, but I want to see him without this mask. It makes him look like Barney, so that isn't good.

Entry 100

Luke says I'm ugly. Fine then! Don't kiss me goodbye!

Entry 101

Death Star ex-

(Anakin Died)

Entry 102

I'm the Box Ghost… BEWARE!

Entry 103

WHAT? Luke is really Koko, a cheetah? And Padme was a Monopoly board? LEIA WAS A SPONGE CAKE?

Entry 104

You know what's weird? I'm actually not that surprised!


End file.
